Is Caregiving for You?
"My mom needs more help than I can give her on my own, and I've been thinking about hiring a caregiver. But honestly, I'm scared. How do I know if the person coming into her home will actually care about her the way our family does? What should I even look for?"
You've been reading my thoughts on caregiving since 2011. Allow me to continue sharing with you what our clients think about this profession, thanks to our amazing caregivers who are in constant pursuit of serving our clients' needs.
Here is a letter from one of our clients:
If you are not fulfilled by helping people, caregiving is not for you.
If you don't have the patience of a saint, you will find it hard to be a caregiver.
If you don't care or understand that this person with dementia was once a vibrant person and could have taught you a few things or provided great advice had you known them before they got ill, consider another profession.
If you can't have respect and compassion for the people you care for, look for opportunities elsewhere.
If you think being a caregiver will be easy, talk to someone who has been one.
If helping someone clean up after a bowel movement seems difficult, try another field.
If you'd rather not cook for the people you care for, you need to realize that you have to put in effort when you are caring for someone.
If you are easily annoyed or temperamental and raise your voice often, you need to remember that the person you care for has feelings.
If you can't have respect for other people's homes, remind yourself that you are a guest in someone's home.
If you don't realize how important socialization is and that being a caregiver is often about the balance between the housework and the needs of the person you are caring for, watch a great caregiver at work.
If you don't know the meaning of the word ACCOUNTABILITY, don't leave the person you are caring for alone. Know and understand the value of a life other than your own.
Vanessa's Response
A note from Vanessa
You've been the one holding everything together. You've been the one making sure your mom is safe, fed, comfortable, and loved. And you've done it out of devotion, not obligation. Now that you're realizing she needs more than one person can give, there's a part of you that feels like you're falling short. Like asking for help means you've somehow failed her.
You haven't. Not even close.
Recognizing that your mom deserves more support than you can provide alone? That's not giving up. That's love in its clearest, most selfless form. You're not looking for a replacement. You're looking for a partner in her care. Someone who will treat her gently, speak to her with patience, and see the person she's always been, not just the person she is on a hard day.
That's exactly the kind of caregiver we look for at Care Indeed. Someone who walks into your mother's home and understands they're stepping into her story, not the other way around.
You deserve peace of mind. And your mom deserves someone whose heart matches the standard yours has already set. I promise you, those caregivers exist. Let us help you find the right one.
~ Vanessa
To find real fulfillment in this work, you have to be genuinely driven by helping people. Caregiving is not just a job. It's about making the "last act" of someone's life much better than it would be without you. That means it's not all about you. People are trusting you with their most vulnerable moments, and they deserve your full respect. If the idea of going above and beyond for someone doesn't stir something in you, if doing the bare minimum feels like enough, then honestly, this may not be the right path.
Vanessa's Advice
The Heart Test
You can teach someone how to take vitals. You can teach them how to manage a medication schedule. But you can't teach someone how to care. That either lives inside you or it doesn't.
This client's letter stopped me in my tracks when I first read it, and honestly, it still does. It captures something I try to share with every caregiver I train: this work will stretch you in ways you never saw coming. You'll be tired. You'll be frustrated. Some days, you'll feel completely invisible. But the question was never whether the hard moments would come. The question is whether you can find meaning inside them.
When you're helping someone clean up at 3 AM, can you still see their dignity? When a client with dementia asks you the same question for the hundredth time, can you answer with the same warmth you had the first time?
That's the heart test.
And if you're reading this and feeling unsure about yourself? Honestly, I think that's a good sign. The caregivers who worry about whether they're good enough tend to be the ones who care the most deeply. But if you're hoping this will be easy, or that you can go through the motions and call it a day, I'd gently ask you to reconsider. Our clients deserve someone who sees them as whole human beings, not tasks on a checklist.
Give yourself permission to be honest about where you are. Choosing not to be a caregiver isn't a failure. It's self-awareness, and that matters. But if something in this letter stirred your heart, if you read those words and thought, "I could do that. I want to do that," then I believe you already have what it takes.
This will be one of the hardest and most rewarding things you ever do. I mean that."
Vanessa Valerio
RN, Gerontologist
Practical Tips for Families
- 1Practice patience every single day. Remind yourself that dementia can cause behaviors that feel confusing or even frustrating. Stay calm, keep your voice gentle, and hold on to the truth that your loved one still has feelings and still deserves your kindness.
- 2Balance housework with real human connection. It's easy to get caught up in the laundry, the dishes, the medications. But don't let the to-do list replace the moments that matter. Sit with them. Talk to them. Make sure they feel valued, not just looked after.
- 3Respect their home as sacred space. Even if you grew up there, their home is still their world. Treat it with care. Keep things where they like them. Small acts of reverence go a long way in helping them feel safe and in control.
- 4Go beyond the bare minimum. Take pride in doing more than what's expected. Be proactive. Anticipate what they might need before they ask. A little thoughtful effort can turn an ordinary day into a good one.
- 5Prepare nutritious, thoughtful meals. Put real care into what you cook for them. A good meal is more than nutrition. It's comfort. It's love on a plate. And for many families, it becomes one of the most meaningful parts of the day you share together.
- 6Honor the person behind the illness. Take time to remember their story. Their passions, their accomplishments, the life they built. Holding on to who they were helps you protect who they still are.
- 7Stay present and never leave them unattended. Show up fully, every time. Being consistently present keeps your loved one safe and gives the rest of your family peace of mind that someone is always watching over them.
About Vanessa Valerio
RN, Gerontologist, GCM, PAC Coach
With more than twenty years of experience in geriatric nursing and care management, Vanessa helps families navigate the emotional and practical challenges of aging. Her work focuses on dementia care, complex care coordination, and supporting families through difficult decisions.
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