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Thought Leadership > Advocacy

Ask Vanessa: Breaking the Barriers of Ageism

December 8, 20256 min read

"Are we accidentally limiting our loved ones by trying to 'protect' them? It's time to rethink how we view aging."

QUESTION FROM A READER

Ageism is often called the last acceptable prejudice. It sneaks into our conversations, our media, and even our best intentions as caregivers. I've seen dedicated children, out of deep love and concern, unknowingly strip their parents of autonomy because they view aging solely as a decline rather than a new chapter.

In my work, I challenge this narrative every day. I believe that "old" is not a bad word, and frailty does not equal inability. When we assume a senior can't do something just because of their age, we risk creating a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Let's talk honestly about how we can break these barriers and foster an environment where our elders are respected, empowered, and truly seen—not just cared for.

Vanessa's Response

Ageism is the stereotyping and discrimination against individuals or groups on the basis of their age. For older adults, it often manifests as being treated as invisible, incompetent, or burdensome. This isn't just hurtful feelings; it has real health consequences. Studies show that seniors who internalize negative views of aging have higher stress levels, slower recovery from illness, and even shorter lifespans. When society tells you you're 'past it,' you start to believe it.

Vanessa's Advice

Empowerment Over Efficiency

"It is always faster to do it yourself. It is always safer to keep someone in a chair. But caregiving isn't about efficiency; it's about humanity. I advise families to take a step back. Before you jump in to help, ask: 'Would you like some assistance with that?' giving them the power to say yes or no. That tiny pause restores agency."
Vanessa Valerio

Vanessa Valerio

Chief Nursing Officer

Practical Tips for Families

  • 1The Kitchen Test: Instead of banning a parent from the kitchen due to safety fears, adapt the environment. Get a stool for sitting while chopping, or buy pre-cut vegetables. Let them remain the chef of their own life.
  • 2Tech Inclusion: Don't assume technology is 'too hard' for them. I've seen 90-year-olds master iPads to FaceTime grandchildren. Patience in teaching tech opens up their world and fights isolation.
  • 3Memory Support Peer Groups: Encourage participation in groups where they are peers, not patients. Being around others with similar challenges reduces shame and fosters a sense of community and shared strength.
  • 4Review Your Vocabulary: Eliminate 'honey,' 'sweetie,' or 'young lady' when speaking to elders you don't know well. Use their proper names unless invited to do otherwise.
Vanessa Valerio

About Vanessa Valerio

RN, BSN, Chief Nursing Officer at Care Indeed

With over two decades of experience in geriatric nursing and care management, Vanessa is a passionate advocate for dignified aging. She specializes in dementia care, family conflict mediation, and complex case management, helping families navigate the emotional and logistical challenges of caregiving.

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